Seal of Trust
by CutePoison333
Summary: Kirk/Spock: After a chess game Kirk feels like playing some more with Spock. Set post-Into Darkness, but I'm keeping the spoilers to a minimum. UPDATE: There is now a sequel under the name of 'Melding Mistakes, Mending Mistakes'
1. Ultimate Submission

_Notes:_  
_- This my first fanfiction for anything ever. On top of that my English, though not bad, isn't my first language. Please be merciful._  
_- I've only recently become a Star Trek fan. My heart lies with the new universe, but I am currently allowing myself to become acquainted with the original material. The point I'm trying to make is: I sincerely apologize to anybody who feels I've grossly ignored or ruined anything from Star Trek on account of my incomplete knowledge of everything canon._  
_- Though this story focuses on sex, I couldn't get myself to not write a bit more around it, because I felt that without such it would be just another copy of the hundreds of smut-fics out there. This resulted in this first chapter not having any action yet._

_[/list of stuff that I felt I needed to say, without it being truly interesting.]_

**_Update 29/09/13: _**_For me to have a higher chance of maintaining consistency in some upcoming chapters of the sequel to this story, I felt I had to read my writings here again. Whilst doing so I took the opportunity to edit a little bit here and there. By the way, speaking of that sequel, to those of you who are following that story too: I know it's taken me long but the new chapter is almost ready to go online!_

* * *

Spock was sitting at the desk in his quarters, quickly, but carefully scanning the information on his PADD.

He and Kirk had gotten together for one of their regular chess matches. It had ended in a draw, as many of the matches had lately. After the game was over Kirk had lingered around and had gotten himself into quite a heated discussion with Spock. Of course compared to what a heated discussion between two Humans would have been like, it had been nothing. Spock had never even changed his perfectly calm and composed way of speaking. However, as Spock had been determined that a certain statement Kirk had made was erroneous, and Kirk refused to come to terms with that, things _had_ gotten to the point where Spock had walked over to his desk, picked up his PADD, and declared he would look up the information, then and there, to settle the matter.

"Jim, I've found evidence that is sufficient to determine that you were indeed mistaken. The source is reliable. You may choose to come over here to see for yourself, if you still do not believe me," Spock said whilst still staring at his PADD, reading the context of the specific part that had proved the correctness of his memory, to make sure it wasn't contradicted there.

Kirk somewhat smiled and lazily got up from his seat to sort of wander over to Spock. He came to stand half beside, half behind Spock and glanced over the PADD for a moment.

Spock yanked himself from his bowed posture to sit up with an impossibly straight back and turned his head to face Kirk with enlarged eyes. Kirk had slid his hand underneath Spock's shirt, now resting on the skin just above the edge of Spock's Starfleet trousers. Kirk let out a puff of air that could have been the beginning of a chuckle. Spock continued to gape at him until he spoke.

"Honestly, Spock, I don't give a rat's ass about the argument. I just want to..."

Kirk never finished his sentence, but he didn't need to. _Spock knew._

He could tell by the way that Kirk looked at him, as he had come to figure the meaning of such a look by seeing it directed at some kindly smiling female many a-times. Actually on occasion, when Kirk thought nobody was looking, Spock had also seen it directed at some male specimen.

He could support the theory, already presumed as true, by what would be best described as a series of incidents in the past. There had been this once when Kirk had ingested by far too large a quantity of alcoholic beverages. While Spock had been trying to look after him and get him to his quarters without causing too much damage, at some point Kirk had pushed Spock into a wall and 'felt him up'. The sudden invading touches, that completely shattered the concept of personal space, had startled Spock so that he had reached out and performed the neck pinch on Kirk before he was aware he was doing it. He had then carried Kirk to his quarters and spent the rest of the night feeling bad about his lack of control that had resulted in his captain's passing out. Added to this incident where the countless off-hand flirtatious remarks Kirk made, especially when he and Spock were alone. At first Spock hadn't understood the meaning of these, finding Jim's choice of words, Jim's emphasizing certain parts of his speech, the intonations of some things, _illogical_. When he did come to understand the flirting a bit more, he simply pretended that he still didn't. It was easier that way.

And then of course, Spock knew what Kirk wanted, because he could sense some of Kirk's feelings through to the skin to skin contact.  
Spock had looked away from Kirk for a moment and now turned to look back.

"Captain... Jim...," Spock struggled to find an appropriate way to address Kirk. Appropriate for the moment, that is. "I know what you seem to want, but I need for you to vocally confirm that you find it wise to act upon it, that you really do wish to act upon it."

Now Kirk did know that it was terribly _unwise_. Hell, sleeping with any crew member was probably unwise. So for the captain to have sex with his first officer was more like totally completely utterly dumb, like picking-a-fight-with-four-guys-at-a-bar-over-a-gir l-that's-not-even-into-you dumb. However that particular incident had been the beginning of a series of events that had gotten him where he was now: Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise, savior of planets. Jim smirked at that last thought.

Actually it was pretty much Jim's style to go all in whenever the opportunity arose, and it just so turned out that he was a damn lucky bastard. The opportunity had now arisen again, Spock seemed more open for what Kirk wanted now than ever before, so why abandon his strategy now?

"Hell yes, Spock, I very much wish to act upon it," Jim finally said. His heart picked up speed and he felt very warm, his body was anticipating that now it would finally happen. Spock wouldn't ask questions such as he did if he did not want it. Kirk was very excited.

It had all begun as a sort of game. He knew how buttoned up Spock was . Therefore it would make him both uncomfortable if Jim would make advances, as well as that he would do everything within his power to not let that show. Teasing Spock was the perfect entertainment for James Tiberius Kirk.

After a while though, Kirk had found that it wasn't only teasing anymore. A genuine interest had arisen. It was probably because Spock was so exotic. Kirk always got an extra kick from getting into bed with alien races, but Spock was _extra_ interesting. Vulcans were very private about anything that wasn't strictly necessary for outer-worlders to know about them, their biology and their bedroom habits were on top of that list. Next to that Spock wasn't even fully Vulcan, he was also half-Human, and that was bound to have some effect on him as well. It made Kirk wonder... and that turned him on like crazy!

Kirk moved his hand more to Spock's side, so that it mimicked the ghost of a hug, and leaned into Spock close enough to be able to lick his ear, _would_ he choose to stick out his tongue.

In his most seductive voice he whispered: "Would you like to be your captain of service in the matter, Mr. Spock?"  
"If the captain wishes that of me, I will," came the emotionless response.

When Spock and Kirk had just become acquainted, Spock had found the other quite excruciating. Of course their first encounter had been after Kirk had defeated the Kobuyashi Maru test in a way that was unacceptable, and that had been only the beginning. Kirk had then gotten himself aboard the Enterprise whilst being on Academic Suspension and from there on out had made it a habit to go against all rules and regulations that did not suit him, and seemingly being _rewarded_ for it. Spock had been rather frustrated with Captain Pike for nourishing the idea in Kirk's head that he could act as he pleased. That he didn't need to comply with the rules. That somebody would pull some strings for him to make him an exception, that there was always some a way for him to make the impossible possible. Indeed, he had thought it a joke when he'd first heard Pike promote Kirk to first officer, whilst at the same time promoting Spock himself to acting captain.

And that frustration had undoubtedly been part of why Spock had chosen to 'maroon' Kirk at Delta Vega. That had actually already been the foreboding of his 'Emotional Compromise', caused by the very same man, but at the time he had been too proud to admit it. The contrast that was so evident when a single Vulcan was amongst large quantities of Humans, made Spock overestimate his own emotional controls to the point that he had indeed taken a blinding pride in it. And so pride had become his downfall.

But Kirk had done to him he had been humbled again and in that humbler state he had then later offered his services to Captain Kirk as the second in command. However in the beginning he still found it difficult to 'know his place'. It was a struggle not to take over when Kirk's disregard for regulation became evident again. And it was still difficult to trust Kirk to know what he was doing (and truthfully there had been plenty of times when Kirk simply did not.)

As time passed however, Spock learned that he had misjudged Kirk's character. He was not a lazy youth who tried to find an easy way out off everything, but instead a young man who _needed _to serve goodness. Also did Spock learn that sometimes it was indeed, and it took a lot of him to admit that even to himself, better to engage in Kirk's wild ideas than to 'do things by the book'. It had saved countless lives, countless times. Spock had even meditated, more than once, about whether or not they might have been able to do more for Vulcan and its inhabitants, as well as the Starfleet officers and students that been lost then, if they had listened to Kirk sooner on that dreadful day.

Yes, as time had passed Spock had found that actually James T. Kirk did seem to have a highly illogical ability to not quite _have_ to comply to the rules to bring things to a successful end. He had even proved Spock's own words, _that a captain cannot cheat death_, to be quite wrong. And so Spock had come to place more and more trust in his captain, in Jim, and submitted to him more and more.

This, what he was about to do, almost appeared as a logical conclusion to that. After all, to let another person touch him so intimately, to feel him so intimately, to _know_ him so intimately, would be the ultimate seal of trust. For another person to see him so vulnerable, to see him 'come undone', lose control... for another person to be the cause of that, it would be the ultimate submission.


	2. The Perfect Ending

Spock shivered as he bent himself over the desk, he recognized that it was only partially because he was slightly cold. It was also the vulnerability that he felt over being in the position he was and being so totally exposed.

Kirk had him bent over the desk rather early on, but then suddenly decided that Spock should stand back up so that he could 'look at him'. It was almost embarrassing to be asked to display himself as such.

It had never been like this with Nyota. With her it had always been very loving and sweet. He was very glad that she had been his first. She had been so patient with him when he was still so very reluctant to engage in such acts. Vulcans usually refrained from sexual contact until the first pon farr required them to do so. After that, when they were properly bonded, it was rather normal to engage in intimacies with their bondmate more freely. However as he was grieving for his planet, for his Human mother, he had felt less objections to giving into the Human patterns of the rituals. And he had found great comfort in it, when he finally did. Never would he be able to forget Nyota and what she had meant to him. He still missed her, sometimes, but they had decided that in the end it was better for them to no longer continue their relationship as lovers. They did however hold onto a warm friendship even to this date.

He heard all sorts of subtle sounds coming from behind him as Kirk seemed to engage in whatever was necessary in anticipation of the act.  
Spock almost shook his head as he thought how deeply he was now investing himself in the 'Human patterns of the rituals'. It was not entirely unheard of for two Vulcans of the same gender to bond, it was accepted when the compatibility between them was very high, but as such pairings bared no offspring it was considered illogical and therefore to be avoided if possible. The fact that nearly all Vulcans would have their bondmate arranged for them whilst they were still children did a great job for this, but still it did happen, sporadically.

Spock shivered again, as he once again thought about how different this experience with Jim was from his earlier experiences. Even later on in his relationship with Nyota when she would occasionally become very dominant, _it had never been like this_. Jim seemed to be so much more lust-driven than she had ever been, and this reflected in the situation. It made Spock uncomfortable and what that did to him was this: causing him to shiver and think the situation over too much.

He calmed however as Jim used his left hand to caress him lightly, first over his back and then lower down over his behind. Through the touch he could feel that even though it didn't immediately show on the outside, Jim did care about him deeply, Jim did feel love for him. Spock closed his eyes, yes, of course Jim did, he was his friend, t'hy'la.

"Now, I've been burning to question you almost as much as I've been burning to touch you," Jim started just before his fingers slipped to a _very_ intimate place, sliding over Spock's entrance. Spock moved forward, away from the unfamiliar touch, but only slightly.

"But there is one question in particular, that seems... essential here," Kirk continued. He needed to know this before he would proceed, for both his own and Spock's good. If he would drive in there full force when it's... if it's... He didn't wish to damage his first officer, his friend, like that. It would be slightly amusing to watch him struggle on the bridge tomorrow, using all his Vulcan control in the effort, to not let anybody see, but Kirk didn't wish for Spock to be in serious pain.

"If it is essential it is only logical that I would answer such a question," Spock replied. Kirk touched him once again over the tight ring of muscle, this time Spock didn't move away from it. It was a... fascinating feeling.

"Have you ever been, well, you know, taken by a man before?" Kirk asked.

"Mhm," Spock murmured, lost in his thought about what he was feeling for a moment. It seemed that his muscles behind there now started _responding_ to Jim's stroking them. He felt that every time Jim's fingers went over there, he opened up a bit. He also felt his muscles up front responding.

"I have not," Spock then replied the question.

"Alright," Jim responded, he was slightly disappointed by this fact, but in all honestly he had seen it coming.

"You are familiar with the... process though?"

"Superficially, I am."

"Alright, listen Spock, at first this is going to be slightly unpleasant. It will hurt, I cannot prevent that, but I'll try to be as gentle as I can. Just try to relax and not tense because of it. That will be worse," Jim tried to explain quickly as he removed his left hand from Spock's ass and laid it on his arm instead in what was meant to be a reassuring gesture.

"I shall try my best to do so," Spock replied, feeling Jim's fingers leave his intimate place, only to be replaced by one single digit from his other hand shortly after that. This finger felt different though, slippery, slightly wet, but in a different way.

"And then, if you hold through it, there will be bliss in the end." _If the Spock's prostate is like the Human one, at least,_ Jim mentally added. However he quickly pushed that thought away, fearing Spock would sense it through his touch-telepathy thing otherwise. And even though it might be wrong to try and hold such a theory to himself, Jim didn't want to scare Spock off now that he had him right where he wanted him. Besides, Spock would definitely be quite capable of having at least considered the option himself. If he didn't already know the answer, that is.

Jim squeezed Spock's arm lightly as he slowly started pushing in. It wasn't until the finger was almost completely in that Spock tensed. Jim paused.  
"Are you doing okay there buddy?" he asked.

There was a muffled sound in Spock's throat, following by Spock taking a breath.  
"I feel I am 'okay', as you put it. Proceed."

Jim buried his finger completely. He moved it back and forth a couple of times. At some point slightly changing the angle. Spock remained still. Jim suddenly realized that he might remain like that throughout the entire act, unreadable, composed. He hoped, _he wished_, that it wouldn't be so. That he would manage to break him at some point, so that he could at least see if he was feeling any pleasure at all from that what was being done to him. As much as Jim found he enjoyed sex with no strings attached, it was a bit of a mood killer for him if the other person already acted too much as if it was nothing during the sex itself. He wanted to see the other person enjoy themselves because of him.

Jim added a second finger.

"Jim... may I ask you a private question?"

Good, the pause between his name and the rest of the sentence Spock had uttered was _something_.

"Have you yourself ever been with...," another pause, this one with Spock's mouth half open. Good. "...another man before?"

"A couple of times. I generally prefer the ladies. 'S been a while."

Jim found he was growing a bit impatient with waiting. He wanted to go in now, but Spock was still too tight. It would be too cruel.

"I meant to ask... more specifically... if you have ever been... with another man... like I am with you now..."

"You mean if I ever bottomed?"

Jim stepped a bit to the side and then forward.

"God, Spock could you reach out behind you and touch me?"

Spock's fingers twitched on the desk and then he slowly moved his hand backwards towards Kirk.

"Yes, I do believe," Jim moved his fingers apart inside Spock. "Ngh," came Spock's reaction to that, and then after a few seconds: "do believe I do mean that."

Kirk smiled widely, happy that Spock seemed to be reactive after all.

"Naah, I," he then realized that Spock had stopped his hand from going any further than the edge of the desk and had left it there. "Spock, could you _please _touch me, like, now?"

However Jim didn't even wait for Spock to answer to his request and simply picked up the other's hand to personally place it where he desired it. When Spock started to move it, after a moment of letting it linger there as if dead, Jim let out a loud moan, throwing his head back, before tending to the question again.

"I had a guy fuck me in the ass once." Spock stopped his movements right at that moment and tensed all over. He even turned his head around to glare at his captain. "Never again. It definitely wasn't my thing. It didn't feel right to be... What is it Spock? Why are you looking at me like that?"  
A moment of silence, and then: "Captain, such language."

"Oh Jesus Spock, you're going to bicker about my language use not being all sophisticated when I've got my fingers up your rear door?"  
"I'm sorry captain, I wasn't aware it could be considered part of the ritual."

"Ritual," Kirk replied with near-laughter and started his movements again, adding another finger in the process. "By the way, at the moment I'm not your captain. Unless, of course, that's what gets you off?"

Spock started his movements again too, letting out a couple of small sighs because with his sensitive Vulcan hands, the act was pleasant to himself as well. He didn't reply Jim's question. It felt to him as the odds of it being just a statement were just as high, so that it was okay for him not to bother. He wasn't even sure of the answer and his mind was too unfocused to think it through, especially when Jim slid his hand up under him and rubbed one of his nipples.

Jim pulled his fingers out completely and stepped away from Spock's touch. Spock turned his face to what the purpose of this was. He needed to try and read it from Jim's face as through their touch he only felt superficial and primitive emotions. It made him realize how much easier and how much more things could be if he had a true bond with Jim. Life must feel so much richer if there was another person that you knew as thoroughly as yourself, that was part of you. For a moment Spock was overcome with a sense of loneness, as he had never been given the opportunity to form a full-fledged bond with anyone.

He had been pre-bonded with T'Pring, but they had never worked much on their bond much as they weren't too fond of each other and had waited for pon farr to force them to it. Spock had not looked forward to it, and had hoped he would find a way to undo their pre-bonding before it would happen. As far as he knew though, she had passed away with Vulcan.

And then of course there was Nyota, with whom he had gotten involved superficially already even before T'Pring passed and with whom he had then entered into 'a relationship' afterwards. He had hoped she could become his new and full bondmate and had started working on creating a bond with her. This however had been only mildly successful. Spock could ascribe that partially to the fact that Humans didn't naturally have telepathic abilities, but because his mother had been Human too and she had told him that she was fully bonded to Spock's father, he knew there had to be something else too.

Now she was out of the question though and Spock wondered if he would ever be able to find a proper bondmate. The Vulcan population had been drastically decreased, many had lost their bondmates and because he had allowed his older counterpart to convince him not to go to New Vulcan immediately there wouldn't be too many partners to choose from left, if any at all. Attempting to find a bondmate amongst another species had been unsuccessful so far as well. Due to there being so much emphasis during his upbringing on learning the Vulcan ways, he had difficulties truly understanding and relating to other species so that letting them in was hard to say the least. This was even despite the fact he was genuinely interested in trying to understand them.

And then of course, as his failure with Nyota had proven, it might not work out at all in the end. He wondered if the fact that he was only half-Vulcan had been the extra factor that had made the mental bonding so difficult, because his own telepathic abilities were somehow flawed because of it.  
Jim pressed a kiss to his back and he felt pleasant emotions wash into him.

"I think it is time for us to move on to the real thing," Jim said.

"I wasn't aware that there was anything unreal about our situation so far?" Spock replied, half-absent. He was reasoning to himself about whether the fact that he suddenly had been willing to have intercourse with Jim might reveal that he hadn't fully given up on finding a bondmate, a Human bondmate to be precise. He also wondered if it would be possible, for him to... for it to be _Jim_.

"Spock, it is just a figure of speech. It means that I want to insert my phallus inside your rectum now, rather than my digits."

Jim's tone was teasing, but also sweet. Spock reasoned that he found the idea of it being Jim to be appealing. As it had seemed before that this arrangement that he had now taken part in was the perfect climax to the relationship that had been building with his Captain, with Jim, it now started to seem that them becoming bondmates was actually the perfect ending.

"This is going to be the most unpleasant part, but mhmmm after that it will become only better, I promise," Jim pretty much hummed. Swiftly thereafter he felt Jim's organ against him, slippery as his fingers had been.

If Spock and Jim would become bondmates, it would first of all be beneficial to the Enterprise. Spock knew there was a positive relation between things going well aboard the ship and he and Jim becoming closer to each other. If they could see in each other's mind at any given moment, understand each other's wants, motives, ideas, _person_ completely, the Enterprise could be doing better than ever.

"Are you ready, Spock?"

"I'm ready, Jim."

Nevertheless, however ready Spock thought he had been he still needed to clasp the side of the desk and bite his lower lip not to spasm and cry out. He couldn't prevent a very quiet whine escaping him though as he was further penetrated.

_Secondly_, he tried to regain his thoughts to distract himself... Secondly it would take the burden of looking for another person, having to go through this entire process of slowly opening up to them, allowing them in, away from him.

"Ssshhh, Spock, it will be alright," Jim replied to Spock's whine and took Spock's member in his hand. He started stroking it in a way that Spock could only categorize as 'correct'. Spock temporarily directed his mind to focus solemnly on the feeling originating from that.

When the feeling originating from the other point where their bodies joined seeped back into Spock's awareness it was less painful and instead of Jim only pushing into him, it was now small thrusts back and forth.

_Thirdly_, Spock thought, now finding a moment to pursue his train of thought a bit further. Thirdly it would solve an impending problem he had illogically put off to address properly every time it had surfaced into his mind: when his pon farr would set in, he could be sure there would be somebody there for him. This would be a merit as-

Spock threw his head back. His eyes where closed and his mouth was open with a trembling lower lip.

"J-Jim... what... was that?"

Jim squeezed Spock's hipbone and drew his member slightly back out.

"I assume your prostate. Glad ya have one."

Jim wanted to be sure of this and aimed carefully for the spot again.

"Egggh, OH!"

Came Spock's response. Jim smirked. Yes, that must be Spock's prostate. He sticked to the position he had and picked up a pace. It had Spock moaning. _It. Had. Spock. Moa-ning._

Very glad that he had found that Spock did have a sensitive prostate and that he was dropping his robot act quickly, Jim began to wonder again. To long to explore more of Spock's mysteries.

"You're not in pain?" he inquired quickly.

"N-no. The contrary," replied Spock.

So Jim increased his pace. It was quick and deep now, causing their flesh to slap together, even caused Spock to occasionally bang against the desk. The need for release became more urgent and Jim chose to slightly alter his angle, favoring his own pleasure over Spock's for a few thrusts. He then shifted back and bended his body over that of Spock. His sweaty chest touching Spock's very warm back. Spock grasped Jim's hands as soon as Jim planted them on the desk. Deep rough trusts and Jim almost went over the edge, but then instead he pulled out.

"J-Jim," Spock pleaded. He had decided that however different this was with Jim, he liked it quite well. He could definitely get used to it.


	3. His

Jim wrapped his hand around Spock's wrist and tugged him gently away from the desk.

"Bed," he murmured. He wanted to truly use the opportunity to its fullest to explore Spock, knowing that he would likely never get the chance again.

Reaching the bed Jim pushed Spock onto it, placed his knees on either side of Spock's body and leaned into him a bit.  
"Now I know that Vulcans do not like to shake hands partially because of their touch telepathy, right?" Jim asked, having found back his capacity for coherent speech now that it served his pleasure.

"Correct," Spock replied. Jim could read on his face that his first officer was barely there. He had never seen him so far away from himself before (not even when he had purposely provoked him into rage) and it was fucking wonderful! However, Jim was determined to drown him in pleasure even further. Some people aimed for the stars. Well, Kirk was a man to aim beyond the stars, he aimed to_ boldly go where no man has gone before_.

"But I also believe that Vulcan hands are very sensitive, and that this may have something do with it as well, not?"

Jim picked up one of Spock's hands.

"They are sensitive," Spock answered.

"So what would happen if I were to do this?" Jim asked rhetorically before he engulfed two of Spock's fingers partially in his mouth and licked their tips.

Spock's back arched and he moaned again, his free hand clamped in the sheets of his bed.

Whilst continuing to suck and lick Spock's fingers, Jim positioned himself between Spock's legs, readying himself to go in once again.  
"Very much so," confirmed Spock in between moans. Jim had removed the hand from his mouth, but was now touching it very erotically with his own fingertips, causing quite a thrill for Spock. However the pleasure was more than doubled when Jim pushed himself in again. There was still some unease, but it was no longer the intense pain from before, so Spock had it under control.

For a bit Jim moved his hips back and forth, uttering sounds, but no words. Then he spoke again:  
"Mmmmhh, I wonder if you have any," then there was a gasp and a groan, "more especially sensitive body parts."

Jim bended forward and slid his hands from Spock's hipbones, over the stomach, to the nipples.

"From before, I know these are," he murmured as his fingertips went over the nipples.

Spock's eyelids twitched in response, accompanied by a long sigh.

"But how about those ears?" Jim questioned, while his hands danced towards Spock's ears.

Spock's hands dug into Jim's hair as the latter lightly moved his nail over the outer rim of Spock's ear. Jim then proceeded to lightly rub the pointy tip between his index finger and thumb. The effect of it disappointed Jim a bit. Even though Spock still seemed to enjoy it, it just didn't have the overwhelming effect Jim had hoped for.

Jim drew back and ministered a deep and hard thrust. Spock felt as if it knocked him half out of his mind. Had Spock been thinking more clearly, he would have told himself that such a thing didn't make much sense though.

"Jim," he whispered under his breath. Nevertheless Jim did hear his name being uttered, as his face was still very close to Spock's from when he had played with Spock's ear.

It caused a smile to play over Jim's face. He placed a light kiss on Spock's throat and then backed away to resume the more straight-backed position from before.

Spock was very submissive. He pretty much just lay down and let it all wash over him. He'd barely even touched Jim. Jim found it rather... cute. For a moment he envisioned Spock with his hands tied above his head and a blindfold. It caused him to increase the speed of his thrusts. However, reality got a hold of him all too soon again, forcing him to realize that Spock would never agree to such a thing. Actually it was close to a miracle that Spock had agreed to have sex with Jim in the first place.

Then Jim's mind was empty for a moment, as a wave of heightened pleasure stole his ability for conscious thought. After that his mind leapt again, remembering one more Spock-special thing that they could do.

"Spock... Would you meld with me?"

Spock's eyes flickered open from their closed state.

"A-are you certain?" he managed to get out.

Melding alone, though intimate, was an acceptable thing for a Vulcan to do to almost any being for multiple purposes. However in combination with intense sexual contact, such as Spock was currently engaging himself in, it was, as Humans would put it, 'a big deal'. It was the very same act that made up a major part of the process of creating a full-fledged bond. It would change everything.

"Yes, 'course," Jim moaned back at him.

Of course Spock had thought about doing such a thing with Jim only moments before, but now that Jim asked it of him he found himself reluctant to act upon it. It was so soon, so sudden, so random. Wasn't it far more logical to calmly discuss this first now that there was no pon farr that would force them into it whether they were prepared for it or not?

"Do you even know what you're asking for?" Spock asked, forcing himself to form a sentence more qualified for this subject.

Jim did know what he was asking for, or he thought he did. Back on Delta Vega Spock, older Spock, had done it to him too. With him... Jim momentarily slowed his thrusts as the wrinkly old face appeared before him in his mind. Old people already weren't the best thing to think about during sex, let alone if they were what the person you were currently fucking would look like some day. Jim tried pushing the face from his mind. _Back there,_ he resumed, he was overwhelmed by the experience. However he hadn't known what to expect then, now he did. Well, at least a bit more than he did back then. And with Spock lying so meekly underneath him, Jim hoped that he would be able to gain a little bit more control in the meld.

"Yeaaah, I do," Jim uttered. He paused there a moment to catch his breath. "I really want to do this, Spock. I know what it is. I know how it works. I've thought it over and I want to."

The last was a lie, more or less. He hadn't thought it over in the way that would Spock interpret the meaning of these words. He hadn't sat himself down on a cushion thinking about all the consequences mind-melding with Spock could possibly bring on, nor did he carefully weigh all the pros and cons of those consequences. He had wondered about it, and he had fantasized about it a couple of times. For Jim this was good enough. Especially right now, when purposely invoking a 'miscommunication', would help bring a fantasy to reality. It was probably wrong, but Jim didn't think so clearly when he was well on his way during sex.

"I'm not entirely convinced you have indeed thought it over sufficiently," Spock replied.

Jim wondered: did Spock sense that through his touch-telepathy?

"Mmmmm, pleaaaasee?" Jim pleaded. He substantiated his plea by pushing inside Spock with strokes that very lightly brushed over Spock's prostate, like feathers, and by having his hands caress Spock's nipples.

Spock moaned. His right hand trembled on the bed. He almost lifted it to Jim's face. However, he was _not_ going to allow himself to be pleasured into this.

"Are you sure you _don't_ want this?" Jim teased, bending over to lightly kiss Spock's ear. Quickly after that the sensation changed as Jim softly grazed his teeth over the ear.

"I... I...," Spock tried, while his trembling arm seemed to lift itself up to Jim's face. He placed his fingers on Jim's meld-points. _I will only establish a superficial meld_, was the last thing he thought to himself before committing to the task, _as it would be too intrusive otherwise_.  
Jim felt the mental presence of Spock creep onto the edges of his own awareness. Slowly he experienced how it wrapped itself around it his own mental presence completely, till he was entirely surrounded by it. It was like an infinite hug coming not only from Spock's body, but his entire person. He could not yet experience Spock though, it was more like it was the concept of Spock. You know, in a way that a person might appear to you in a dream.

_Jim, relax your mind._

_Spock? Is that you talking to me in my head?_

_Affirmative, Jim. Please relax your mind, so that I can allow the edges of our minds to blur together. _

_How do I do that?_

_The most effective way to achieve this state when you cannot do it naturally is to think about things that you find soothing. Thoughts that could be your last before falling asleep are usually effective._

Jim tried to focus on memories that he thought would work. However every time he thought of such a memory, and they were rather rare already, they were quickly followed by a bitter or sad thought. Most of the memories that Jim found soothing were of situations that had been taken away from him, of people that had left him, that had died, or that he had simply pushed out of his life.

_Jim, your mind seems to get tenser, if anything. Perhaps you are 'trying too hard'? _

Perhaps Jim was trying too hard indeed. 'Something that could be your last thought before falling asleep', Spock had said. One could never sleep when you tried too hard to fall asleep. You had to think about something else, though something simple, because if it invoked too many other thoughts it wouldn't work either.

So Jim thought of Spock, of how much he liked Spock at the moment. Of how he loved him.

Then he felt as if his mind was being tickled. No, that was not the right word. It was more as if brushes of gentle lukewarm water lightly waved over the edges of his mind. And right after that everything became very intense.

Jim could feel every single inch of his body. Never before had he been so totally aware of his form, had he understood so completely how his body functioned. He could feel all the pleasure that was received through every nerve-ending in his body. Not only that though, he could also feel all that _Spock_ felt. He very clearly felt himself moving in and out of Spock's body, but he could also feel being pushed into at the same time. It was... _magical_.

As Spock allowed the edges of his and Jim's mind to overlap each other, the first thing he experienced was a complete love for his person. Not just a love that one held for a friend, but something that Spock believed to be greater than that. Spock felt how Jim believed that everything about Spock was beautiful and _awesome_.

_Jim loves me?_ Spock asked himself in the part of his mind that was still private.

Then a pleasure so overwhelming that it drowned everything else by far, hit the both of them. Whereas Jim had just felt every part of his body, he now felt every single part of his body light up, sparkle and become filled with bliss. It wasn't just feeling it through his whole body as a whole, but in all parts specifically.

_Oh, god, Spock that wasn't normal orgasm_, came Jim's mental voice as the intensity started to wear down.

_When our minds are melded you will feel more intensely._

Jim was right however, it had appeared to Spock as being unusually powerful as well. Spock felt elated over this, as this might indicate that he and Jim were more than moderately compatible.

_Wow, well, that's something I wouldn't mind feeling again._

_That is fortunate, because you will, _Spock thought-replied_. _As many times as you wish, followed in his private thoughts. If only you let me.

_W-what...? I will?_

_Affirmative. I can assure you that our bodies aren't finished. One of us is yet to reach his climax._

Jim now felt his and Spock's bodies moving together on the foreground of his awareness again. How strange. He hadn't even been aware he had continued to move himself.

_Hell, I do not even know if it was you or me who came. _

_Neither do I, Jim._

Jim sort of was curious and wished he could use his eyes to see, but he didn't have the power to use his exterior sight. He could only see the images in his mind, in his and Spock's joined consciousness. Which also meant, that if Spock was still to... It meant he wouldn't be able to see Spock's face, which was a pity. However, it was a loss Jim could deal with in favor of the melding sex. He didn't think it was fair to his previous bed-partners to declare that this was _definitely_ the best thing he had experienced sexually ever, but it was pretty damn good.

_Then how do you even know it was only one of us?_ It was more a tease than that it was a serious question.

_I am more experienced in this field than you are._

Jim thought he was probably smirking when that comment came to him. The tone had sound almost teasing as well. Jim felt as if he was now no longer too overwhelmed to try to take some control over the meld. After all conversing had been going well.  
Jim started feeding images into the area where his and Spock's mind connected.

First of Jim in the captain's chair with Spock sitting in his lap. Spock had his trousers around his ankles and was slightly bend over. Jim had his hands on Spock's hips and moved him back and forth roughly.

_Jim, that is outrageous._ _We couldn't do that on The Bridge._

Damn Spock's logicaliness returning when you thought you had gotten rid of it.

_Don't worry, in my fantasy I sent all the crew away for a shore-leave they couldn't resist._ _It would be our secret._

A wave of pleasure rolled over them.

Jim then sent Spock an image of what he had quickly envisioned earlier: Spock naked, blindfolded and with his arms tied above his head.  
Another wave of pleasure hit the both of them, this one more severe than the other.

_You liked that one?_ Jim thought-asked, a little surprised.

_The feeling it arose in me was fascinating._

Then Spock sent Jim an image of Jim in traditional Vulcan robes. Jim looked happy, with a very sincere smile on his face and his unbelievably bright blue eyes twinkling. Spock came into the scene. He too was wearing traditional Vulcan robes. When he stood right in front of Jim he gave the other a sweet kiss and softly pushed him onto the bed. The Jim in the fantasy watched how Spock lifted his (Jim's) robes, revealing him to be completely naked underneath.

Jim found Spock's fantasy timid, but it seemed to fit Spock to be timid in this area. The image he had just sent Jim, as well as the very fact that he had sent it, were probably a lot for Spock already. Jim realizing such generated another brush of pleasure in their joined minds.  
Jim then sent an image to Spock that he hadn't quite meant to send. Jim was sitting on his bed in his underwear. "There's no need for this rivalry, I think I'm an interesting enough science project for it to be okay to have two science officers study me," fantasy-Jim joked. On the bad with him were Spock and Carol Marcus.

Spock's mind... shivered at receiving the image.

_Jim._

_You didn't like that?_ Jim's mental voice half-laughed, trying to charm his way out of his mistake.

_I found displeasure in it, indeed._

_I didn't mean to show you that. Sorry. I.. ehm..._

Spock transferred another image into the melded parts of their minds. Jim was talking to a female crewmember. Her hand was playing with the edge of her dress and she had her bosom pushed forward. She was trying to seduce Jim. She was saying that there was something she would _very much like to show him_. Jim however had noticed that Spock had come over, standing at a respectful distance, and Jim told the girl: "I'd love to honey, but

_I already have an appointment with Mr. Spock here,_ Jim added. He recognized this scene, it wasn't a fantasy, it was a memory. It had really taken place like this. In fact it had taken place this very night, right before Jim had followed Spock into Spock's quarters to play chess.  
A very overwhelming sensation of pleasure hit both Jim and Spock. It was another climax.

As soon as the effects of it started wearing off, Jim felt Spock's mind slipping away from him with it. His sight started returning to him and he became aware of the physical world again.

Jim was now lying on top of Spock, panting and sweaty. There was a slight smile on Spock's face and Spock very gently wrapped his arms around Jim's back. He felt exhaustion, contentment and a sense of accomplishment seeping in from Jim. _Jim. __His captain. His friend. His Human. His._

* * *

I found this the most difficult chapter to write, and that includes the fourth chapter that I have yet written as a draft. (Which will be the final one, at least for a while.)  
What probably also didn't help is that I wrote the draft for this chapter mostly when I was either exhausted or when the temperature over here was very hot. On top of that I also did my reading and correcting when I was tired. I'm probably going to regret that, but I just really wanted to put the next chapter up.

Also, I am sorry if you felt unsatisfied because the sex got pushed to the background in favor of focusing on the mind melding. I am incredibly fascinated with mind melding, as well I have a thing for the mind/psychology/neurology in general.  
Also if you were under the impression that things got dragged out too long before our dear Kirk and Spock got well, you know, _done_, then I feel I should let you know that I believe one would experience time differently when engaged in a mind meld. As in the same way one can have a dream that feels like it lasts for hours while in reality you were only asleep for a few minutes.


	4. I Always Shall Be Your Friend

_Good news everyone! I've begun writing on a sequel, but more about that at the end of the chapter  
For now: Thanks for all the support so far. It really motivates me not only to write on this story, but really to write in general!_

_Also, there is one more Into Darkness spoiler in this chapter, but it's not that big._

* * *

It had been little over a week since Spock had given Kirk his seal of trust and they hadn't had the time to pay each other any more attention privately. This however, was only logical as it had been stressful couple of days aboard the Enterprise.

There had been an encounter with a strange life form that had ended up forming a threat, equipment had blown at exactly the wrong moment and for a while the safety of the people aboard had been compromised severely. The danger had been overcome because Kirk's mad plan, that Spock had helped execute without second guessing it this time, and that had worked against all odds.

Now that things had returned to a calmer state aboard the starship, Kirk and Spock had set up another chess meeting. Kirk's voice had sounded a bit _odd _to Spock and after what had happened the last time they had met up for 'chess', he noted to himself that 'playing chess' was possibly to be added to the list of 'things that people illogically say when they mean something else'.

Spock was walking towards his captain's quarters with a small box filled with various objects in his arms. He felt a warm feeling inside as he thought back to the moment where he and his Jim came down from the mind meld and Jim inquired about Spock's health. Jim had mistaken the green tone on Spock's cheeks as a sign of illness. Spock then had to ensure Jim that instead of the pinkish shade that had colored Jim's own face at the time, due to Spock's green blood, Spock's face would turn greenish as a result of intense physical activity. Jim had then mumbled something that sounded most like 'oh, okay' and nuzzled his face in Spock's neck.

Spock knew from his experiences with Nyota that his cherishing such a trivial memory meant that, as a Human would put it, he was 'in love with Jim'. Back in the days when he experienced such feelings regarding Nyota he had been very confused by it, and it had taken a lot of effort on her behalf to finally convince him that it was okay to allow himself to feel that way. That among Humans, if the other felt the same about you, it was a virtue. And with all the love Spock had experienced radiating from Jim when the small meld had first been initiated, Spock concluded that he was doing a good thing allowing himself to feel as he did regarding Jim.

As Spock reached Kirk's quarters he let himself in. He found Jim sitting at the table, with the chessboard set out in front of him while eating an Earth fruit, an apple to be more precise. When Jim noticed Spock's entering he turned his head and smiled a wide smile at him. Spock almost stopped himself from allowing a small smile on his own face, but realized in time that Humans tended to find such a gesture pleasing.

"You are late," Kirk said with amusement.  
"Regrettably, I find that I indeed am," Spock replied. "It was harder than I had estimated it would be to find some of the items that my research showed were part of romantic rituals often performed by Human couples."  
Spock started unpacking the box, revealing a couple of candles, massage oil and a box of chocolates amongst other things.  
"Woa, woa, woa!" Kirk blurted out, eyes darting to the various items that came out of the box. "Human couples?"  
"Well, I may not be fully Human, but I reasoned that now that we are together you would appreciate me trying to indulge myself in..."  
"Spock!"

Spock stopped talking immediately when his name tumbled gracelessly off of Kirk's lips.  
"You, ehm, eh," Kirk hesitated now that he had Spock's attention. He wasn't quite sure how to get this across to him, but it seemed that they had gotten themselves entangled in _a very awkward misunderstanding_. "You believe we are a couple now?"  
"I believe that such would indeed be the correct way to refer to our status."

Kirk felt his limbs become very heavy. He had never meant for this to happen! For a moment he thought about how might be nice to dissolve at the spot, but then he realized that he couldn't lose his confidence as it would only make things worse.

"Spock...," there was a long pause before he dared to proceed and when he did it was with the gentlest voice he could possibly have put on. "That we've slept together once doesn't mean that we are together, as you know, a couple now."  
Spock's eyebrows moved together, creating two creases in between them above his nose. He was very confused by Kirk's statement.  
"You asked me to meld with you whilst we were engaged in sexual activity. You said you were aware of its meaning."  
However the thesis that Kirk actually hadn't been seemed to rapidly become the more plausible one.  
"I think I may have, sort of, well, you know, overestimated my knowledge of things then. I just ehm, thought it was hot and I thought the big thing about it was that you could see into my mind and I was, well, okay with that and...," Kirk lowered his eyes to the floor. "From your statement it seems that there was more to it, wasn't there?"

So obviously Kirk hadn't been aware of what he had asked for. A turmoil of emotions rose up in Spock. Anger about his own relentlessness regarding the matter. Apprehension of the oncoming rejection, and a slight sadness about that. Frustration about the continuous misunderstandings that arose between himself and Human specimen. For the time being though, Spock managed to suppress those emotions.

"Yes, Jim, it is the most intimate gesture my people can offer. It is something that is exclusive to those that are intended to be one's longtime partner, one's bondmate," the words came out of Spock's mouth in a similar way that 'live long and prosper' had when he turned down the Vulcan Science Academy. He didn't mean to, like hadn't meant to back then either, it just happened before he realized it.  
"Oh, god, Spock, I'm so sorry."

So there had been a misunderstanding about part of what had happened. About a very important part actually. Anger was becoming the dominant emotion for Spock now, and it became harder to suppress as time passed. On top of that, Spock was still very confused. There were still parts to this indiscretion that made absolutely no sense whatsoever and Spock needed some answers. He found that his hands had begun shaking with anger and frustration and general emotion, so he hid them behind his back.

Then he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to regulate himself to a more neutral state. He didn't want to sound upset or angry whilst asking the next question. It could influence the honesty with which Kirk would answer it and currently that was unacceptable.

"I think it is now safe to conclude that however unfortunate it may be, there was a misunderstanding about the mind melding," Spock paused for a moment, respectfully waiting to see if Kirk had anything to add to that, and then continued: "There is one thing that I cannot yet form any plausible conclusion on though."

Kirk who sat slightly bended over and with his hand in his hair, feeling bad about what he had caused, lifted his eyes up to Spock when he started to become aware that the other was waiting for him to reply before he would proceed.

"And that thing would be?" Jim asked with a small voice, swallowing heavily afterwards. He really did feel bad about this. It wasn't the first time that he had slept with somebody who had then gotten under the impression that such meant they were going to be together for always and always and live happily ever after, but these were random girls he barely knew and would never have to see again after that. It was not that he _liked_ hurting their feelings, but he could shut it out with a certain ease. He couldn't shut this out. This was regarding someone he was going to have to work with for a long time still, and even more importantly this guy was one of his best friends!

"When we melded, you radiated an incredible amount of love for my person to me."  
Jim wanted to smash his own head into the table. It couldn't be any worse! How could he ever explain _such_ a thing to _Spock_?  
"Well, ehm, first of... I care for you a lot as a friend. You know this. I went against everything that I was supposed to do to save you from dying in that volcano. And I'd do it again. A billion times if I'd have to. That's love too, and I'm not sure if it feels different in a mind meld than... the other kind of love," Jim made all sorts of gestures with his hands as if these would somehow help convey the message to Spock. "And beside that, well, ehm... Whenever I, eh, share my bed with someone, at that moment I love that person completely. They're the most beautiful thing in the world to me at that time. But then when it's over they're just a person you know? Not saying that you are just a person. You are still my friend, but I'm not... I'm not in love with you."

Spock took a moment to take the words in, think them over. It wasn't easy for him to understand this. It already was a challenge for him to understand love, and mind you that doesn't mean he didn't feel love, and now he was supposed to understand love, another kind of love, and fake-love and their relation to each other and to himself.

"I see," he said finally, although he only barely understood, and started packing the items he had taken out only moments before back into the box he had brought them in. "I assume that I would better put these away then, as they no longer serve a purpose here."  
Kirk just nodded.

"I shall proceed to move these to another place and when I return, will we play chess?" Spock asked pausing in his leave.

"Yes," said Jim with a voice that was typical for a person who tried to hide being on the brink of tears. Jim cursed himself in his head. He could have ruined his goddamn friendship with Spock with this stupid ordeal. From the time he had met future Spock and what he had been told then, Jim _knew _that his friendship with Spock was important. It wasn't just something he should risk pissing away because he got horny! Fuck! Fuck! Mother fuck!

"Spock?" Jim called out to his friend who was now standing in the doorway.

"Yes, captain?"

"I want you to know, that... with your whole Vulcan emotion control thing... I thought you could handle having sex with me once just for the sex... I would have never done it if I had thought that there was any chance of me hurting you and I am terribly sorry if I did."

_I could handle it until you started putting me under the impression that it was the beginning of a more meaningful arrangement, you round-eared bastard! S_pock wanted to spit at his captain. However, that would be a very Human thing to do and seeing how doing Human things had brought this problem on, Spock chose not to indulge. Instead he said:  
"I cannot say that I understand, but I can sympathize with what you say. Therefore I will not let this reflect negatively on the way I treat you. I have been - and always shall be - your friend."  
With that Spock stepped through the door. As it started sliding shut again, he added: "I will be back shortly."

* * *

_Alright, I can understand if you hate me now, but please stick around a wee bit longer for me to explain myself.  
I had been reading a lot of Kirk/Spock stories here before I wrote this and I found them... repetitive.  
More so, I found that quite a few writers chose plots that I couldn't quite come to terms with, and wanted to attempt to correct in my writing, such as:  
_1._ Uhura was either completely ignored or cast aside as if she never mattered. To me it seems especially because Spock isn't big on emotions and affection, when he's actually been so close to somebody as to 'being in a relationship' this person isn't just going to be forgotten. Not that I imagine him sitting around being all sulky about it, but I do believe he will look back on his relationship with Uhura (would it end) with part fondness of the good times shared and with part fascination of what he's learned from it.  
_2._ This is actually a point that I found less bothersome, because it is purely based on personal feelings, but: In most Kirk/Spock stories Spock was the dominant one and Kirk was the bottom. To me it feels like the natural order of things is absolutely Kirk being both dominant and on top. Though I can imagine exceptions, of which a pon farr situations is the most obvious one._  
3./4. _Lots of authors seemed to use Kirk and Spock having a long time secret crush on each other as the base of the story, as well as that they had their Kirk basically want to commit to Spock and live happily ever and ever and ever after, immediately after the first kiss or something.  
Now the long secret love might or might not be a thing, and I think it mostly depends on where in the timeline the story is set, how much influence of the material from the original timeline you use and how well you write it whether or not it works... however it is pretty romanticized and I am, nor do I think I ever will be, a romantic.  
The 'I wanna be with you forever and ever' however, is something that does bother me. Kirk doesn't seem like the kinda guy who easily commits himself to a romantic relationship to me. Even if he would be very much in love with Spock, and even if he would like to try to be romantic partners with Spock on a more permanent basis, I do think that Mr. Kirk would have his doubts and difficulties that very much need to be there in the story._

_So, these were my motives for having the story the way it is, for having it end the way it did._  
_...Well, end?_  
_Like I said_

_I've begun writing a sequel, because the longer I thought about it, the more I realized I had planted seeds for such a thing in my story all along. I also want to explore some things some further and got some scenes in my head that fit with what I've laid out here. Besides, when I read a long post on Tumblr the other day on a possible romantic relationship between original Kirk and Spock, I actually came to believe in it a lot more and felt uneasy with leaving my story like this.  
However, for this sequel my vision of where I want to plot to go is far less clear than it was for this, as well as that I have to involve more characters of which I am not so sure I can get them anywhere near right. In other words... I am insecure about this sequel so it might take a while for it to see the light of the Internet.  
I will let you guys know when it's ready._

_Until then go listen to Voltaire's song 'Expendable' to cheer you up!_


	5. Sequel Preview

_"It seemed unlikely for Spock, but the pattern was there: Jim had slept with him, he had thought that it meant they were in a relationship, Jim had burst the bubble, Spock had asked questions that were basically more sophisticated forms of 'are you kidding me?', then found himself an excuse to leave and he hadn't come back. If it were anyone else Kirk would have bet his captaincy over the Enterprise that they were upset, and maybe crying somewhere. However this was Spock from Vulcan." - _Melding Mistakes, Mending Mistakes

I've decided to go through with the sequel. The story is called 'Melding Mistakes, Mending Mistakes' and the first chapter is now up. I thought uploading a preview here as a new chapter, was a good way to alert the people who were still following this story. (:


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